Drama is my “D” word. It’s a word that was used to invalidate me my whole life, and I do not tolerate it around me anymore. It’s a word based in elitism and invalidation, used to attack sensitive people and shame them into repressing their emotions to maintain the status quo.
What is drama? According to the dictionary, drama (outside of theatre) is “an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances”. From this definition, I would say that to reject drama, is to reject the nature of life itself. But more colloquially, drama is a term used to describe a situation in which a person is inconvenienced by another person’s sensitivities. We use it to describe a situation in which we believe a person is “overreacting”, through our own personal lens and jugement; we take the decision that whatever emotion is being brought up is unnecessary and should be the burden of the bearer only.
I’ve witnessed three ways in which people use the word drama.
1) The person who is accused of being dramatic is not expressing their emotions in a calm and careful manner.
2) The person who uses the word drama is used to repressing their own feelings and so project their shame onto those who do not.
3) The person who uses the word drama is too egoistical to receive criticism and rejects it by blaming the other party for being upset in the first place.
Even though in one – the first – instance, the target of the drama accusations has a responsibility in the conflict, in the two other cases the problem lies solely with the one using the word. I can attest myself that I have been accused of creating drama on several occasion where I was calmly discussing my feelings of being hurt. One instance comes to mind where a friend told me “The fact that I am sitting here, talking to you, means that drama was created”, a good example of unemphatic people considering the mere act of conversation to be drama. They were disturbed by my emotions, hence I was the problem; no regard was given to how I had been disturbed by their actions, that, was only “drama” and thus unimportant and/or unreal. I find that kind of invalidation to be violent and have no tolerance for it today. Invalidation causes us to refract in shame, to gas light our own selves or revoke our own belief system to avoid the attacks of those who lack empathy in an attempt to fit a mold imposed by those who won’t even try to understand us. Today, I consider it to be important to stand up for my right to be me, to feel what I feel and I make sure to land among people who make me feel safe to communicate. There is nothing wrong with seeking clarity, or telling someone they’ve triggered you, as long, of course, as you learn to do it with harmonious intentions.
With all that in mind, let’s also remind ourselves that it takes years, sometimes decades to learn to observe your feelings, to describe them and to regulate yourself after a trigger. Having made it there yourself doesn’t give you the right to judge those who don’t, why don’t you take all that nervous system privilege and lead by example instead? Test your skills by remaining regulated in front of someone loosing their shit! Now that has a solid impact, I can assure you.
I think for a very long time I felt as though if people didn’t understand me, I would never feel safe. I thought that having a receptive party to my attempts at sharing my inner experience was necessary to feel a sense of belonging. Now I know it isn’t so. I can tell when I’ve done my best to show empathy and share my wounds in a calm manner and I wouldn’t turn to shame if it wasn’t received. I won’t let people with stunted empathy levels invalidate me; I feel what I feel, I can’t change that. I can’t imagine that a friend or even any kind person would continuously trigger me, knowing how it makes me feel, but I’m baffled to hear people walk around saying “no drama allowed” like that’s a good thing! All you’re doing is advertising that you’re not a safe person to talk to and will most likely invalidate your interlocutor.
None of this means that I don’t keep trying to increase my window of tolerance, to make myself more resilient; that is also my duty, but I cannot move forward on that path faster than what I am doing now. I know with certainty that I am doing my best, and I refuse to be told, by someone who hasn’t walked a mile in my shoes, what my best should be.
In a world that leads people into believing their feelings are illnesses, it’s important to stand up for your right be heard without jugement.
Another drop in the ocean 
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